Relationship Mysteries Revealed: Solving Relationship Problems
Everyone should cultivate a secret garden. Tending to that secret garden, Perel suggests, is an art of acquired skill. This, perhaps, is why great artists work like gardeners. Its acquisition begins in treating love and desire not as a dissonant opposition but as a symphonic composition of counterpoints:. Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition.
It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected.
Love is about having; desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusiveness. It is less concerned with where it has already been than passionate about where it can still go. But too often, as couples settle into the comforts of love, they cease to fan the flame of desire. They forget that fire needs air. In the remainder of Mating in Captivity — one of the most lucid and liberating perspectives on love written in the past century — Perel goes on to explore how to integrate these paradoxical needs into the wholeness of a fully satisfying love.
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She sketches the common dynamic: The caring, protective elements that nurture home life can go against the rebellious spirit of carnal love. Its acquisition begins in treating love and desire not as a dissonant opposition but as a symphonic composition of counterpoints: Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Perhaps the biggest revelation of this week's new trailer was the return of the original's lead Joel - a character many had presumed would be killed off and set Ellie on the path of revenge she's known to be taking in the sequel.
Of course, not everything is as it seems in Naughty Dog's trailer, and it's impossible to draw conclusions when seeing snippets presented out of context - but the implication that Ellie's love interest Dina would be the motivation for revenge marked a sour note for some. At the preview event in Hollywood, I had a chat with writer Halley Gross - previously a writer on television's Westworld, and now working in tandem with Neil Druckmann on The Last of Us Part 2 - to talk about how Naughty Dog is following up one of the most beloved games of the past decade.
Halley Gross: The game is very much about Joel and Ellie's relationship, and the evolution of their relationship. Some people are still convincing themselves that he's a hallucination. We've seen how Ellie's changed since the last game - how has Joel changed? Halley Gross: That took place four years before this one, and they've really settled into this community, he's gotten closer to his brother Tommy - who you see Ellie is looking for in the demo. It's very much about what it is to have a relationship.
In the first game, Ellie's 14, he becomes a dad, he's very much in control of the situation, he knows what's right and what's best for her. A lot of the story is what it is to have a relationship with a kid who's growing up, who's becoming independent, who wants to make her own choices and makes those choices whether you like it or not.http://idssolutions.com/map22.php
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He's also growing up, and also maturing. And how do you go about addressing the ending of the last game? It was such an effective full stop, and it left so many questions unanswered - which was part of its appeal. Now Joel is back, I guess you're going to have to answer those questions.
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Halley Gross: I'd love to get into that, but I can only really talk about what we saw today. I will say their relationship is strained, and will grow and change as the game progresses.
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We've seen another relationship which is very important to Ellie with Dina. Some of the only negative feedback from this week's trailer was some concern Dina is being fridged - I think some people assumed that Ellie would be avenging Joel's death, whereas it's heavily implied it's Dina's.
Halley Gross: We're not talking about major story points, but what I will say One of the tropes of fridging is that a character is created in order to further the main character's storyline. We've spent an enormous amount of time on Ellie and Dina, making them incredibly multi-faceted characters and really delving into their relationship.
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So the scene you saw where they smooched - we shot that twice. Because games are a living breathing thing, we spend a lot of time building this whole arc for Ellie and Dina - and when we shot that scene, we realised the one we'd originally written, it wasn't being as truthful to those characters that we wanted it to be. So we came back and reshot. I'm really excited about Ellie and Dina's relationship, and I'm really excited for people to see Ellie and Dina's relationship. Did you pre-empt the reaction there'd be to this trailer?
It's clearly something you've thought about.
On fridging, revenge and Joel's return: a short chat with The Last of Us Part 2's writer
The amygdala , an almond-shaped structure involved in processing emotions, becomes increasingly active during REM sleep. Each is linked to specific brain waves and neuronal activity. Stage 1 non-REM sleep is the changeover from wakefulness to sleep. During this short period lasting several minutes of relatively light sleep, your heartbeat, breathing, and eye movements slow, and your muscles relax with occasional twitches.
Your brain waves begin to slow from their daytime wakefulness patterns. Stage 2 non-REM sleep is a period of light sleep before you enter deeper sleep. Your heartbeat and breathing slow, and muscles relax even further. Your body temperature drops and eye movements stop. Brain wave activity slows but is marked by brief bursts of electrical activity. You spend more of your repeated sleep cycles in stage 2 sleep than in other sleep stages.
Stage 3 non-REM sleep is the period of deep sleep that you need to feel refreshed in the morning. It occurs in longer periods during the first half of the night. Your heartbeat and breathing slow to their lowest levels during sleep. Your muscles are relaxed and it may be difficult to awaken you. Brain waves become even slower. REM sleep first occurs about 90 minutes after falling asleep. Your eyes move rapidly from side to side behind closed eyelids.
Mixed frequency brain wave activity becomes closer to that seen in wakefulness. Your breathing becomes faster and irregular, and your heart rate and blood pressure increase to near waking levels. Your arm and leg muscles become temporarily paralyzed, which prevents you from acting out your dreams. As you age, you sleep less of your time in REM sleep. Two internal biological mechanisms —circadian rhythm and homeostasis—work together to regulate when you are awake and sleep. Circadian rhythms direct a wide variety of functions from daily fluctuations in wakefulness to body temperature, metabolism, and the release of hormones.
They control your timing of sleep and cause you to be sleepy at night and your tendency to wake in the morning without an alarm.
Circadian rhythms synchronize with environmental cues light, temperature about the actual time of day, but they continue even in the absence of cues. Sleep-wake homeostasis keeps track of your need for sleep. The homeostatic sleep drive reminds the body to sleep after a certain time and regulates sleep intensity. This sleep drive gets stronger every hour you are awake and causes you to sleep longer and more deeply after a period of sleep deprivation.
Factors that influence your sleep-wake needs include medical conditions, medications, stress, sleep environment, and what you eat and drink. Perhaps the greatest influence is the exposure to light. Specialized cells in the retinas of your eyes process light and tell the brain whether it is day or night and can advance or delay our sleep-wake cycle. Exposure to light can make it difficult to fall asleep and return to sleep when awakened. Night shift workers often have trouble falling asleep when they go to bed, and also have trouble staying awake at work because their natural circadian rhythm and sleep-wake cycle is disrupted.
In the case of jet lag, circadian rhythms become out of sync with the time of day when people fly to a different time zone, creating a mismatch between their internal clock and the actual clock. Your need for sleep and your sleep patterns change as you age, but this varies significantly across individuals of the same age. Babies initially sleep as much as 16 to 18 hours per day, which may boost growth and development especially of the brain.
School-age children and teens on average need about 9.